love

to be beautiful in love. to be bold in love. to grow in love. there are all kinds of love but this love i have stored up for another human being has become too painful. then one would ask: how is it love? i create my own suffering in this world based on what i feel rather than what i confess to believe. That God is love and His love is primary and the most important. I believe that this is my wilderness season. where knowing better is not enough. where doing better is essential to survival. to sanity. to joy. not happiness. i long to praise my father in dance the way i used to. but i've lived alot since then so theres no way it would be the same. in fact it would be better. i want to love him wholeheartedly and i want who He has for me to have this same passion. and when we share that passion, our love for each other would be magnified. i don't want what anyone else has. i want what's for me. and i can't get what's for me desiring someone else's blessing. i want my own. and God has it.